♥ Eight legged freaks.

I have a fear.

It can control all of my emotions and bodily functions, and haunts me in my dreams.

I am deathly afraid of spiders. 

Scorpions, snakes, frogs, rats, bears, even ghosts. . . none of these phase me.  I can squash a bug without thinking twice, and catch a lizard with no reservations.  When I see a spider however... my stomach tightens into a knot and suffocates me until I can't breathe.  I take quick, rapid breaths and my eyes fill up with tears.  I feel a tingling sensation over my entire body as I have hallucinations of spiders running up and down my arms and legs.  I scream for help and run to high ground while wringing my hands until they turn white.  I. Hate. Spiders.

As the weather is starting to warm up, everyone around me is celebrating and enjoying time outdoors.  I, meanwhile, know that this is the time of year spiders come out and begin a war of self defense with the strongest bug spray money can buy.  

Brooks has been woken up several times to my violent thrashing in the middle of the night during one of my regular spider nightmares. You know, the ones where you are trapped in a closet, tied up, on the floor, with thousands of spiders crawling all over you.

While trying to pinpoint the exact reason as to why I am so deathly afraid of these monsters, I guess it would have to be the eight legs. . . . And the eight eyes. . .  And how fast they run. . .  And how they suddenly appear out of nowhere. . . And how hard they are to kill.

Spiders can sense fear.  I know this, because while all of my family has rarely had close encounters with them, I have had several.  They know.

Let's take a trip down memory lane, starting at the very beginning of my phobia.

1. The time in the doghouse.  When I was about four or five years old, I climbed into my dog's doghouse to get some quality snuggles in with my pooch (not much has changed huh?).  I dozed off, only to be awoken to SEVERAL daddy longlegs (also known as Opiliones, shown here) all over my tiny body.  I ran as fast as my stubby legs would let me and jumped into our pool (don't worry, I'm a Californian.  I've been swimming since I was two).  Quite the traumatic experience.

2. The time in the swimming pool.  Fast forward to nine years old, I was swimming in our pool, minding my own business.  As I stood on our step near the waterfall, singing along to my girl Avril, a GIANT WOLF SPIDER JUMPED ONTO MY FACE.  I kid you not, these spiders can jump, and it jumped and clung with surprising force to my eyebrow.  I fell backwards into the water screaming and thrashing to get it off of my face. 

3. The time in my bed.  Now, as I was getting ready for bed, performing my routinely spider check under my covers, I decided the coast was clear and laid down with my eyes closed, only to open them to a Black Widow dangling on its web just a few inches above my face.

These are just a few experiences I have had with these devils, excluding the time I saw one in the bathroom and hit my head so hard on the wall I nearly got a concussion, or when a spider was stuck in my swimsuit, or when a spider chased me in the water at Girl's Camp, or all the fun experiences when I've been trapped in my car on the freeway with a spider on the steering wheel.  They ONLY EVER come into my room, or my car, or hide in my clothing.  They never bother others that I'm living with.  They are hunting me and they won't stop until I'm dead.

So anyways, the point of this blog is that if you ever get a random phone call from me screaming/hyperventilating/sobbing that there is a spider in my house and that Brooks is at work and can't kill it, then please do me a favor, and come over as quickly as you can.  I'll make you cookies.

Xoxo.