♥ 7 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married.

Before I got married, I received tons of advice from family, friends, articles, etc.  which I still appreciate to this day, and it has all really helped me improve our marriage. Some of my favorites have been "Always remember to dance in the kitchen," "Never talk bad about each other," and "I love yous and thank yous lead you to forever."

However, there were some things I was not prepared for or expecting, and since I've been married for almost 2 years now (2 years!!) and I'm such a master on the subject, (not), I thought I'd share what I've learned with my single ladies/engaged friends. Remember, this is regarding marriage without children, I have no idea what our marriage will be like once we have some crazy miniature Reynolds running around.

 

1. Husbands need flowers too. Growing up girls are always expecting to be showered with gifts and love on Valentine's Day, Anniversaries, Birthdays, etc. and are never really taught that men deserve some special love too.  We are bombarded with phrases such as "Happy wife, happy life," yet our husband's don't get the same treatment.  I remember on our first Valentine's together as a married couple, Brooks went all out for me, and made me feel so special, and when it came time to show him what I got him. . . it was a last minute Hallmark card.  Nothing handmade or special, just something I had gotten the night before.  I. Felt. Awful.  Even though he tried to hide it, I could tell he was disappointed.  I'm really not good at giving gifts/planning but I have made a MUCH bigger effort to show him that I appreciate him as much as he appreciates me.

2. DO sweat the small stuff. Moving in with someone is definitely a HUGE adjustment.  You have to work out new routines, habits, and plans.  Now, everyone has quirks.  Whether it's always turning off the lights before you leave the house, using Chip Clips on snack bags, or in Brooks' case, folding your t-shirts, everyone has small, unimportant preferences that for whatever reason, are important to them.  So, rather than fighting over small things that aren't worth it, take the extra second or two to help out your partner by doing the small things that matter to them. It's amazing how much it will help your relationship and limit resentment towards each other. So basically, be a good roommate.

3. Talk about finances. I don't know what it is about money, but it is so. . . awkward. It's one of those things that is a necessity, yet can make people so uncomfortable.  Now, everyone is completely different in how they handle finances with their spouse, and I honestly don't believe there is just one right way.  I think it depends completely on the personalities of each partner, and what feels most comfortable for them.  However, not talking about it is never a good idea, because that can lead to accusations about lying, sneaking, irresponsibility, etc. So, after getting married, (or before would even be better), sit down with your partner and figure it out. Plan out exactly how you want to go about it, when it's okay to spend money on "fun" things, and how to manage your money.  Make sure you both feel equal and important, even if one of you is making more than the other.

4. Pick your poison. My mom always taught me that what you start in a marriage, you finish in a marriage, so make sure you're happy now, because if you're not, you definitely won't be later.  Everyone has their preferences of chores they don't mind and chores they hate. For example, I love doing the laundry.  I don't know why, but I always have, and it's something I get satisfaction out of.  On the other hand, I hate cleaning bathtubs/showers.  I will gladly clean the toilet, sink, floor, mirrors, etc. as long as I don't have to climb into the tub and do some scrubbing.  So, Brooks and I wrote out all the chores that needed to be done, and divided and conquered.  One such example would be on Sundays, where I make the dinner, and Brooks' cleans up afterwards.  It works out well for the both of us, and splits up the responsibility. As long as you are both clear about the responsibilities you are given, and willing to do them for your partner, it should work out great.

5. Men smell. . . bad. It's kind of appalling.  Their laundry, bathroom visits, workouts. . . everything is more than it is for a girl.  So, make sure you are always stocked up on a nice box of matches in the bathroom, laundry detergent (and doing laundry often), and candles to make it still smell fresh. Don't be afraid to set some ground rules as well. For example, when Brooks has to do his "business" while I'm home, he is banished to the guest bathroom, not ours where I have to simultaneously plug my nose and brush my teeth. And ladies, if you smell too, be courteous to your husband and do the same.

6. Choose your battles. Everyone has bad days.  I read a fantastic article a while back about how marriage is for "losers." Rather than constantly trying to "win" an argument, recognize when your partner is just having a bad day, or is stressed, and let them "win," even if they're wrong. Brooks has learned that there are a few days each month when I am more emotional than normal, and he's learned that rather than being annoyed at my sulking, to just let me watch a sad movie, cuddle me and let me cry a little bit.  I don't deserve that, and I have no concrete reason to be sad, but I need it.  I've also learned that Brooks gets stressed each month when bills are due, even when there's no need to be.  Rather than getting frustrated with his shortness and obvious stress, I've learned to just let him work it out, give him a few sweet kisses, and do something nice for him (i.e. make the bed, cook dinner, etc.).  Not only does this make him happier, but it makes me happier as well by doing service for him, and avoiding an argument. The best piece of advice I could give anyone would be this: "It's better to have your spouse be happy, than for you to be right."

7. Life is hard, not marriage. A few people warned me before getting married that it was really hard, and that I should wait and enjoy being single.  I disagree.  Being married isn't hard.  You get to live with your very best friend, and have their constant support and companionship every day.  Life, however, is hard. Working, going to school, finances, etc. can all be extremely trying and stressful.  It's important to separate the two.  Before coming home, let all your worldly troubles go, and remember how madly in love you really are.  Don't take it out on each other. Remember how much harder it would be without him, and don't take him for granted.  Avoid the mindset that being married to is so hard, and replace it with a positive mindset of how lucky you are to have found your soul mate.  

  

Well that's all I've got.  I'm sure I'll have a year long list once we have kids, but I'm so grateful we're figuring these things out before we take the parental plunge.  

I love learning from my friends, so I'm inviting all my married friends, young and old, kids or no kids, to add to my list in your comments!  Let me know what you have learned, that you weren't prepared for/expecting. I'd love to hear from you!

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."

Xoxo.